Getting under my skin

I never could stand show offs. They just get under my skin. I always preferred the underdog. Funny how God can be both at the same time.

I like how God shows off though. He doesn’t seem arrogant about it to me. Maybe that’s how it comes across to some people and that’s why they have such a hard time with God. I wish they would take a closer look at Jesus. They might see something differently. They might see someone who hid from fame and ran more people off than he cared to “show off” to.

I think God really wants to show off in people’s lives. Not to give them something to brag about, but to give them the Good News. Too often its, “look what I did” or “look what God did through me.” It’s great that people accomplish things. However, God is there to accomplish things that are bigger than we are. That is why we need him. That is why I need him.

Why don’t people let God “show off” in them? I’m sure there are more reasons. Two come directly to mind: indifference, and fear. Most people probably are indifferent. They just don’t care about letting God show off in them…perhaps they are too busy for that sort of thing. So was Moses, Abraham, Matthew, Paul, and a bunch of others I left out (maybe God will leave you out…but I hope not…ouch, I know that was good…lol). There are also those that are devout (or not) that struggle with fear. What happens when you give your life over to this radical God and he shows off in your life? Let me tell you. He screws it all up! It is awesome. Then just when you have it all under control and you have it all figured out. He screws it all up again. I think that’s the pattern. It is the most dangerous place to be and the safest place to be at the same time. He shows off like that!

I have some friends, Corrigan and Shelley, in Haiti doing some amazing things. They run this organization called the Apparent Project. Corrigan, wrote a blog about God showing off that blows me away and prompted this post.

The neat thing is, those of us that know Corrigan and Shelley have seen God show off in them for years. They are the most amazing people. They live a dangerous life. Yet they are in God’s hands…the safest place in the world. The time I have known them they have pursued Jesus with reckless abandon which gives the Spirit a place to show off especially during “such a time as this.”

Where is it that God wants to show off in you? Some form of service or ministry you need to be a part of or maybe an inner demon that needs to be tackled. Where is the place that you can’t do it? That’s where Jesus longs to go. BUT…you have to go with him.

One last thing, I notice that I am still indifferent and I am still afraid. Funny… God keeps showing off there, too… when I let him.

I’m okay with God being a show off. I also love Godly men and women like Corrigan and Shelley that are doing (and have been doing) difficult work in the name of God simply because they always point towards the one doing the real work: Jesus.

Fat People

Big fat people

With fat heads

And fat steeples.
 

Big fat tongues

And fat beds

Big fat lungs.
 

Fat pockets

Big fat rides

Fat ear sockets.
 

Big fat ears

Big fat sides

With fat leers.
 

Glad I’m okay, unlike so many.

This index finger, sure is skinny.

Day 28

1/28/10

Leaving the emergency room, I know this is only the beginning of days like this. It’s 11:00pm in Hondo, TX. Tomorrow is a fast day and I haven’t eaten for 12 hours. The rules of the road say I can only eat with my family. Unfortunately, I broke that last week on a hard trip to jail. But if I can just make it through tonight and tomorrow, science says I should be on my way.

Since 9/11/09 a friend that is as close to me as my liver (I don’t know where that comes from…I’m tired…give me a break), has been rotting in jail. This has been hard on me in some ways. One is that I know it wouldn’t have taken much for the shoes to be reversed. Two, it is hard on a person to move on in their life when someone who is dear can’t. That is probably a horrible way to look at it. I remember in the movie Good Will Hunting where Will’s best friend laid it all down for him and pretty much told him that he was letting him down by not getting out of the mess they were in. Will was able to get out. He chose to stay in it. Will’s friend wanted out but he was stuck in it. Right now, my friend is stuck in the mess he is in and I’ve let myself get stuck in a bit of a rut too…not much of one. But enough of one that I my dear friend wouldn’t approve of. I owe it to him to move forward. When he gets out in a couple of weeks, he can catch up.

It sure was good to see him and testify on his behalf last week. There are few people I know with as good a character as he has. That is a funny thing to say about a person that is behind bars. But, it is the truth.

On the way up to see him was a fast day so I didn’t have to worry about eating anything; however, I was sure looking forward to the motel breakfast after I checked in just before midnight. I was exhausted.

I woke up and showered and got ready to head to the hearing and headed to the hotel’s breakfast bar. I marveled at the three containers of cereal, the two plates of three-week old pastries and the pot of coffee. I wondered what the microwave was for. Then I decided this was not worth eating. I went back to my room and my door wouldn’t open. So I walked back to the lobby and passed up the mocking breakfast bar and had the woman fix my room key. After she fixed my key, I was able to get into my room and get all spiffy for the hearing.

The hearing wasn’t much. It was scheduled to start at 9am and I didn’t get to do anything but stand in a hallway until 10:45. At least there were some old friends there to talk to. Unfortunately, all things eventually get around to politics and that means bashing someone.

The whole time I was thinking about what I was going to say which turned out not to matter as the attorney made sure my answers were pretty much yes and no. The average monkey could have done pretty good; hopefully, I at least looked better than one. I know they have me beat on hair; but I had on a pretty snappy suit.

The other thing I was thinking about was lunch. Would I be able to eat only a little bit by myself? Would I go to a fast food joint or a restaurant? Would I be able to eat slow even though I wanted to get home? How badly was I screwing up by not following the rules of the road to the letter? I was close the answers as I was the last person they cared to hear from.

The group of folks that came to testify on our friends behalf wanted to go eat together but I really needed to get home. I was looking at a 6 hour drive which meant no restaurant. So fast food joint here I come.  I rounded the corner and there it was like a sparkling diamond. I must have shed a tear. It was as if time stood still. I drove toward it and placed my order. I didn’t over do it. However, I did make sure I got enough of the best sweet tea in the whole world for the entire trip home. I enjoyed my Chicken Express snack pack so much. In fact. I pulled over in the parking lot and ate it. Savoring every bite.

I pulled into the gas station down the street and began to pump gas and noticed this huge pain in my stomach. I had eaten too much: three chicken tenders, 5 mini poppers, and a roll. Twenty eight days ago this amount of food would have left me starving for more, yet here I am in agony. Unfortunately, I am fully aware that if I had ordered 6 or 8 tenders, I would have wanted to eat them. So I am not to the point where I can stop when I’m full. I don’t know that I’ll ever get there.

I have looked forward to day 29 for a while now. Most people say it takes 28 days to break a habit. Then, I guess I am trying to break habits and addictions at the same time so I guess it is pretty fruitless to look forward to the 29^th day. But, I have been looking forward to it anyway. The reason is probably because the past 7 or 8 days have been difficult.

I have had the urge to eat more, slip extra food on my plate, not put food back when I know Sally has given me too much, and I have noticed even looking in the fridge for no reason at all. I have rationalized quitting. I have thought about how I haven’t even really lost any weight so what’s the point. I have thought about is it worth it. This is really, really hard. Every bone in my body, every fat cell cries out for another bite of something, anything and every second of every day I have to fight it. Well, I haven’t had to every second of every day. Just every second of the last 7 or 8.

Then yesterday we got a call that dad was in the emergency room in Hondo. I drove my mom over there and after a long night they decided to transfer him to San Antonio. Mom followed the ambulance to San Antonio and I took the job of driving the other car home. Here it is 11pm in Hondo. No place to eat but Whataburger. I’m exhausted in every way. Tomorrow, I fast. Every fat cell in me cries out for double meat with cheese add bacon. The moment of truth came and I placed my order. I pulled out on to the highway 90, threw the bag on to the seat and tore in the bag and sunk my teeth into the first bite. Disappointment. Nothing, no satisfaction from making the right choice. No one there to tell me, “I’m proud of you. You could have ordered that burger, but you chose your family instead and got that lousy grilled chicken sandwich instead. I mean, what is that ¼ inch of chicken breast? I’ve never seen a chicken breast like that? But wait, that is about the right serving for you isn’t it? Wow this sucks, but I think God is looking out for you.” I didn’t have anyone to tell me any of that. I ate a little over half of the crappy sandwich that was actually a gift. I drove home alone, bitter.

The whole way home I could barely stay awake. Dad was on my mind most of the way. I am afraid this is going to be the beginning of a lot of these kinds of trips for us. His lungs just can’t handle any kind of stress. Thankfully, Dad is doing well.

Politics

With few exceptions, our politicians (regardless of party) genuinely want the best for the American people and even the world. However, they are not committed to working together. I have been proud of President Obama in that he seems committed to working with Republican’s. Democrats may not be warming up to the idea, but how can you blame them when all you get is vigorous resistance from all but a handful of Republicans. Maybe it is an attitude problem. Maybe the D’s haven’t really been as open as they think they have and the MA loss will give them a little more humility; however, there will be little change if the R’s can’t drop their arrogance.

The only way this is going to change is if Americans change. If we don’t demand that R’s and D’s work together to fix these problems, then congress will just continue getting nothing done … other than drawing a paycheck and dividing the country they love.

The current political climate demands that you chose a side. I don’t think that Jesus would have a side in either though. It’s kind of like the woman caught in adultery. They told Jesus to choose a side. He picked a different way all together. Too often, I find myself holding a stone … my stones are down… I’m walking away……

The Christian’s responsibility in this political climate is to call on our politicians to cooperate. Cooperation is the only way to bring in some form of governance that actually works for the people they are sworn to serve. They all know this. They just need to let go of those stones and pick up some bacon. Here, take mine. I’m on a diet.