I have figured out why, or maybe how, I lost focus. There hasn’t been enough memorable scenes in my new story that involve savoring Jesus, my family, food, and exercise. Well, let me say this: there hasn’t been a healthy balance.

All good characters search for balance.

Therefore, I am going to be looking for some family activities where I can creatively incorporate savoring Jesus, food, and exercise. This weekend…CAMPING…which will surely include some extreme hiking!

The Lovett’s and hiking mean one thing: conflict! Great stories have conflict. My new story has been missing both: interesting scenes and conflict.

It’s time to crank ‘em both up! I am going to savor it! We are going to savor it. Because we are not cowards and we are going to grow!

There was a time when the countertops of my life looked like Larry, Moe, and Curly just baked a cake. Over the years, I’ve learned some things to help deal with the mess. Every now and then, Jesus gently shows me something else that needs attention.

The question is: do I have the courage to deal with it?

That item isn’t going to magically take care of itself. It will require someone to get in the kitchen and do the work. I guess I could hire a maid…. The problem is I’m broke and I’m trying to write a better story.

Now, where are those keys! Oh yes, right here…beside my smokin’ hot bacon!

One Mean Squirrel

I now have a new appreciation for the Israelites. How quickly and easily they lost focus and wanted to go back to Egypt. It’s almost like a gravitational pull. The Israelites didn’t want to be slaves. But in  Egypt the rules, the bondage and the story of slavery were somehow easier than God’s new story that required change and gave them instant freedom. It’s easy to sit back and judge the Israelite. I mean seriously … how could they not trust God when he was so clearly manifest before them? The unfortunate truth is this: we are just like them. We prefer the chains more than the freedom. Maybe there is “gravity” to this sin thing.

Getting out of Egypt is always much easier than going through the wilderness. There is only way through: follow the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night. It takes determination and FOCUS.

Now, don’t panic. I haven’t fallen off the deep end to where I need some major intervention. In fact, I have been exercising and eating according to the “Rules of the Road.”

My new friend

To be painfully honest the thing that is missing is the heart of what I set out to do: savor.

I don’t really know how it happened. I just know that somewhere around day 40-45 I lost focus. I started being more concerned about losing weight than savoring. I fully expect to lose weight. It’s just not the center of what I’m trying to do.

So I am going to have to revise my road. I’m not sure what it’s going to look like yet. I have been thinking about it for a couple of days and hopefully I will have it nailed down soon.

When I was in middle school I went camping with a group of friends and we actually ate some poor squirrel. Tasted just like bacon! Not really. It did taste kind of like chicken. So if you ever plan on going camping…go buy a chicken! Please! You will never be able to feed yourself on one squirrel. I’m telling you those critters are all fur! Oh, and while you’re at the store…get some bacon!

It isn’t often we see such drama played out before us. The heart of this young Olympian is obviously in chaos. Yet she has the courage to stay the course for her country, for her family, for herself, and for her mother. In doing so, she lifted up the world.

A few days prior to this a guy in Austin, TX flew a plane into a building killing himself and an IRS employee. He destroyed a lot that day. He bought into a lie that the only way to change things is through violence. I heard interviews about him that said he was a good man. I don’t question the sincerity of those people. Here is my question:

Why is it that when some people’s lives get thrown into chaos they can either wind up heroes and lift up the world or they can be terrorists and destroy it? I realize I am talking about two extremes with no middle ground. Well, that’s life isn’t it.

The middle ground of our lives is when we are pursuing our goals. The extremes happen when we enter those times of chaos.

To be painfully honest, I know there are times when I’ve been like a terrorist in my family and maybe even to those around me. I hope I’ve also been a hero. It’s during times of chaos that we move into the extremes. Is there a way to prepare for the unknown?

Can you imagine the number of hours Rochette had put into training for the Olympics? Would you guess that if you counted the time since she had been training since elementary school (they start young right?) it would reach the millions of hours? All of this training was to prepare her for that performance.

The point is this. Every athlete prepares for chaos. They call it practice. Some are more prepared than others both mentally and physically. BUT, this is what practice is. This is the point. You prepare yourself for the game. You don’t know what is going to happen in the disorder and confusion (especially if it’s in those last few seconds). You just have to be able to tune out all distractions and let your body take over and do what it has been trained to do… even if your heart has been broken.

Too often we go through life failing to put in practice time.

I want to be a person that lives like Rochette skates. I know a lot of people that do and I know they put in a lot of practice time. They go to church when they don’t want to. They play with their kids when they’re tired. They eat right and exercise even though it isn’t convenient. They recycle even though we live in Texas and taking care of the planet is a difficult thing to do here. They consider the needs of others before they look to their own needs even though it’s hard. These people live difficult lives. Why? People like to play, they hate to practice. Practice is hard.

Glory awaits these people.

It’s true: Glory awaits those that put in the practice time. If you are looking for a reward here, from people, then maybe you should take a look at that. Rochette wasn’t skating so the fans would give her some applause! In fact, the biggest rewards come from the things you do for others that no one knows about.

I really don’t want to say anything about Joseph Stack. However, he does represent the other side of the story, so I will. While Rochette is a skater, she is part of a team and is accountable to the team. Destructive people are not part of good teams and/or they aren’t team players. I think it is just that simple.

The world needs great stories right now. Get out there and live one! You better find a good team and start practicing before the chaos hits, too! Go on, glory awaits…

My wife says it’s time for me to make dinner. I guess I better be a team player. I wonder if there’s any bacon…Canadian this time!

I’m sure if I looked hard enough I could find a video of some poor, poor soul that has been eaten alive by a treadmill on Fail Blog. I have seen videos of people falling down on them and getting thrown against a wall and back on the treadmill and then back into the wall and then back on the treadmill. They get caught in this amazing human hamster ball of death only without the ball.

Every time I approach the treadmill this goes through my mind. I also have a thought of me getting shot out the side of the building. I know it sounds crazy and the machines at the gym have these disconnects so if I fall they supposedly shut the thing off. It seems a bit sketchy to think this little magnetic switch will kill this machine in time to magically stop everything in time to keep me from being propelled into the wall (well, there is this little thing called physics that would probably prevent my 300 lbs frame from doing the above…but hey…it could happen).

There is also this other little tidbit of information you need to know. I fall down… A LOT! We used to watch the basketball films in high school as a family just so we could watch 32 minutes of great falls. I know, it’s sick. So here’s the deal …

I surely don’t want to be caught in a human hamster ball so I have to figure something else out…here comes the fail.

So I went to the track at the high school and had a good work out. I was pretty proud of myself actually, I was able to get in 1.5 miles without dying. The problem arose the next day or two later when my knees began to kill me. Turns out I’m still too stinkin big to be running that much…or maybe a rubberized surface is bad for me. I don’t know. But a week later my knees are still in quite a bit of pain.

So, this whole week has really been a hard week. Staying on the “road” has been difficult. I’ve really wanted to throw in the towel. What has kept me going? I don’t think it has been anything internal…no will power here. External influences I believe are what has kept me on my “road.” Not wanting to start over at day 1 is a big one. When you are 45 days into something going back to day 1 is a hard pill to swallow. My family is another one…and the goals I have with them.

This is really strange and I don’t know what to think about it. One other big reason is this blog. There aren’t really that many people reading it, three or four a day maybe. I have to say the accountability there really keeps me focused on what I need to be doing. If this was a private “fail” and I was only failing myself in private…no big deal. However, I have made this thing much bigger than that. I have painted myself into a corner and forced myself to live a story so much bigger than anything I would have ever dreamed up on my own.

I’m also on a team now for the Capitol to Coast Relay…so I have people counting on me there. If I don’t get in some sort of physical shape by October, I am going to let a lot of people down. So in a couple of months, I need to be able to run a 5K. I figure two months after that, I will need to be able to run a 10K. Then I will be getting ready for the big relay. Which will mean running essentially three 10K’s in a couple of days. Who knows…after the Capitol to Coast I may even be ready to run in the Rock and Roll Marathon!

Monday morning, I have a date with the recumbent bike…after a balanced breakfast: eggs and bacon!

Tomorrow, I have a sermon to preach and then we are going to have a family day. Somehow this time failure isn’t an option. This story will end with a “win” in the corner. It has to.

I like how God shows off though. He doesn’t seem arrogant about it to me. Maybe that’s how it comes across to some people and that’s why they have such a hard time with God. I wish they would take a closer look at Jesus. They might see something differently. They might see someone who hid from fame and ran more people off than he cared to “show off” to.

I think God really wants to show off in people’s lives. Not to give them something to brag about, but to give them the Good News. Too often its, “look what I did” or “look what God did through me.” It’s great that people accomplish things. However, God is there to accomplish things that are bigger than we are. That is why we need him. That is why I need him.

Why don’t people let God “show off” in them? I’m sure there are more reasons. Two come directly to mind: indifference, and fear. Most people probably are indifferent. They just don’t care about letting God show off in them…perhaps they are too busy for that sort of thing. So was Moses, Abraham, Matthew, Paul, and a bunch of others I left out (maybe God will leave you out…but I hope not…ouch, I know that was good…lol). There are also those that are devout (or not) that struggle with fear. What happens when you give your life over to this radical God and he shows off in your life? Let me tell you. He screws it all up! It is awesome. Then just when you have it all under control and you have it all figured out. He screws it all up again. I think that’s the pattern. It is the most dangerous place to be and the safest place to be at the same time. He shows off like that!

I have some friends, Corrigan and Shelley, in Haiti doing some amazing things. They run this organization called the Apparent Project. Corrigan, wrote a blog about God showing off that blows me away and prompted this post.

The neat thing is, those of us that know Corrigan and Shelley have seen God show off in them for years. They are the most amazing people. They live a dangerous life. Yet they are in God’s hands…the safest place in the world. The time I have known them they have pursued Jesus with reckless abandon which gives the Spirit a place to show off especially during “such a time as this.”

Where is it that God wants to show off in you? Some form of service or ministry you need to be a part of or maybe an inner demon that needs to be tackled. Where is the place that you can’t do it? That’s where Jesus longs to go. BUT…you have to go with him.

One last thing, I notice that I am still indifferent and I am still afraid. Funny… God keeps showing off there, too… when I let him.

I’m okay with God being a show off. I also love Godly men and women like Corrigan and Shelley that are doing (and have been doing) difficult work in the name of God simply because they always point towards the one doing the real work: Jesus.

People that are stubborn blindly hold on to something and are not willing to move in any direction. Think donkey. Donkeys are stubborn.

People that are determined have clear vision and are not swayed to the left or right. They focus in and push hard for the goal. They work like an ant to make things happen.

Araceli always uses these words: “I have to.” I’m not sure I understand what it means to be a “have to” person. I sure want to though.

She “has to” get up in the morning at 4am and go work out. She “has to” go to class. She “has to” pursue her master’s degree. She “has to” be a great teacher. She “has to” do everything she sets her mind to.

So, now I am determined to start savoring exercise (that is strange to even see me typing that sentence). I need an inciting incident. What is it going to be? How about this?

Many people will be counting on me. I am now part of a team and I have eight months to get ready. I “have to” start training now or there’s no way I can run 9.5 minute miles for about 6 miles…3 times.

I’m excited. What a crazy adventure I’m on! I’ve already decided to savor this…I have to!

My wife finds so much joy exercising. She just loves it. I don’t understand that. I guess I need to think of all the reasons I need to exercise and make up my mind that I like doing it. Hmm. I know. I need an inciting incident!

I need an inciting incident to get me off my butt and exercising regularly. Once I get past the pain, I will look for the joy.

Oh, boy, this is going to hurt! This is going to hurt real bad! Don’t worry, I know there is no way to get totally ripped abs in 3 painless workouts for free and that isn’t what I’m after.

More tomorrow…

For the longest time, I was so bitter that they didn’t do a better job of taking care of me and my family. That wasn’t their job. It was mine. I was the one to blame for not setting proper boundaries between my family and the organization.

I learned so much during those two years of ministry. The most significant thing I learned was how to set sane boundaries amid a busy life. Unfortunately, this was learned as a result of painful failure.

Pain. Nothing catapults us into the realm of deep meaningful personal growth like pain. I wish an ice cream cone or three sticks of bacon would help us deal with our problems and bring about meaningful changes that result in a new and better life. I wish there was an “app for that.” If there were, we could go to the app store and download it effortlessly. Install it there among all the other problem solver apps that help us manage our lives.

Something has happened to us in our society. Something has gone way wrong. We have been programmed to consume, consume, consume, consume. Shopping has become a hobby and for some a contact sport.  No, I think it’s worse than that. It is a cancer that is going to kill us from within. How can our landfills even keep up?

There are three gates where I am in this huge airport and while I’m really not hungry. I better go ahead and get a bite to eat. Of course there are plenty of choices: Burger King, Pizza Hut, Starbucks (they had sandwiches), and two fancy sit down restaurants. Did you get that. For three gates, there was all that and I didn’t count all the stuff I passed along the way since the curb. I grabbed a sandwich and a coffee because the turkey club had bacon…yes!

By the time I pay and grab my coffee It’s time to board the plane. Everyone is standing there with bags of goodies and the lady behind me is on her phone talking really loud. It was one of those awkward moments at first. She was wearing a bluetooth ear piece that I couldn’t see due to her hair. We walked up to the line at the same time and just as we got to the line she seemed to yell, “HELLO!” It was one of those great moments in your life when you really wished you were prepared to say something really clever. I just looked at her and she just smiled and pulled her hair back so I could see her ear and I laughed and showed her my boarding number (Southwest Airlines rocks). I wonder if there is an app for that?

I know there is an app for all the problems in our life. His name is Jesus Christ. When we experience pain we should see it as Jesus ringing the doorbell of our heart. He would love to come in and do a work.

Instead we see it as something he created that’s evil instead of good and sometimes even curse him for it. Pain is something God put in us to help us realize we need him. The Bible teaches that God is jealous and this is why. It isn’t that he needs us. It is because we need him. There isn’t an app that can fill that need. We try to buy things to fill those needs and to cure or fix that pain. They only lead to greater emptiness and more pain. It is a terribly cycle to be on. However, look around you. Everyone is doing it. You’re on it. I’m on it. It’s the American way. It isn’t the Christian way. At least it isn’t supposed to be. Unfortunately, the Church is falling for it.

If we would only allow Jesus an entry when the pain goes off. He was the one that rang the bell. He will wait outside like a gentlemen until you let him in. If you decide to let him in, things get pretty painful at first. You have to go digging pretty deep to work things up, the darkness has to be exposed to light, the cancer has to be removed…pick your own analogy. Sometimes that may need professional help. The bottom line is things usually don’t get better right away, they get harder…they get more painful. It’s part of the process.

Many have figured out that if you stay with the process and let Jesus do his work; there is something wonderful waiting for you just the other side of pain: joy.

I have come through my valley and I am crawling out now. I’m not looking for a mountain top to ascend either! I just want to find some level ground out of this nasty pit I’ve lived in for so long regarding my horrible eating habits. I am already experiencing a measure of Joy.

It is like going back to something that is normal, sane, healthy, and all together wonderful. It is just like going home. In my eating I have never been here before. Why does it feel like home? Jesus has been waiting here for me all along…the table was set: this time no bacon, just HIM…it was all I needed.

The only thing to do now, is to not get off this plane before it lands. I know I have gone through the hard stuff. The question is will I try and jump ship and look for an app? God forbid! The joy of this journey thus far has been so great. To exit this ride early would be disastrous. Besides, I can’t wait to get home!

I don’t know any of the answers to those questions. I have found myself on the unfortunate rollercoaster. I have tried many diets and such always finding myself in the same old unhealthy patterns. A few times the desire to play basketball has sparked something within me to do what it takes to get pounds off but nothing to make a lifestyle change. In fact, the basketball has probably been more of a problem because once the playing stopped the eating continued and there was no way to burn the amount of calories I was consuming. To be completely honest, the only reason I would ever get on the rollercoaster to begin with is this feeling of guilt.

Where does it come from? This feeling of guilt? Does it come from God? No, I don’t think so. Romans 8:1 talks about that and after all Jesus came to remove my guilt. So, where does it come from? I remember standing before one church and being questioned about my appearance. I know some of it comes from the Christian community. I also know that much of it comes from society in that we just don’t like people who are over weight. Most of it though, at least for me, was self-inflicted. I know that God loves me just the way I am and that nothing will change that. I also never really cared to please or try to fit in with society so I have to say that my inner wounds were mostly self-inflicted. I desperately wanted to not be overweight I just felt completely helpless in getting there. So, I wound up rationalizing my weight problem, “God made me this way.”

Now, when you make a leap like that you begin to jump both feet into this huge problem called pride. I am fat, and I’m proud. Now, it is okay to be overweight and not ashamed. I am all for that. However, I moved way past that at some point. I don’t know when it happened. I just know that it did happen. It didn’t happen all at once. It started out more as a question, “Maybe, God just made me this way?” Then, over a period of time. I came to the conclusion that he did create me to be a fat guy.

So, now I am in this really bad place: I have this weird pride, I have this gluttony issue,  I am borderline depressed, I take as much medication as a senior citizen, I have to sleep with a cpap for apnea, I can’t play with my kids, and I have this pain in my foot that won’t go away.

I waited about two months to see my doctor hoping it would go away. I finally caved in and went to the family doctor just before Christmas. Walking into his office there was a BMI Chart taped to the top of the desk. I knew where this appointment was headed. Looking over at my wife who was all grins, I could hardly wait for my skinny little doctor to walk in and start scolding me about my weight. Well needless to say, the appointment went as I expected with my wife’s meek help. The doctor actually thought I might have broken a bone in my foot being so overweight and that I was sure to have diabetes. Fortunately, he was wrong on both counts. However, I had a choice to make.

Do I take this as a sign of things to come or do I ignore all the warning signs that are clearly written on the wall and continue to roll the dice. For the first few days I was angry and I had the attitude that I proved them wrong. As the days passed however, I realized, my wife and doctor both care and want the best for me and are only trying to help me. So do I want to continue being miserable or do I want to go through a miserable change that will lead to something better?

For me that was it. This is it. I have to change my life. I have to change it. This can’t be about a diet or I will fail. If I don’t give myself over to complete change complete surrender of self then I am lost and the old will creep back in and I am doomed. That is what a diet is. It is temporary. You do “x” for so long and then you try and maintain. I can’t do that. I have to completely change how I live my life.

So what prompts a person to start a journey? Maybe its being tired of living a story that isn’t worth reading. If you decide to take a journey you have to be headed somewhere or you’ll wind up lost or back to where you started. Maybe you’ll get lucky and be one of those people who winds up finding paradise. I usually wind up back where I started, just in debt. I don’t want that this time. The destination…where is that for me?

Being skinny isn’t worth changing anything. Honestly, who cares if I’m skinny! I don’t, I’ve been skinny … guess what, I didn’t care! Now, playing with my kids, savoring every second with them and my wife, savoring Jesus on the mountaintops and the valleys, serving Jesus in Mexico and Haiti, being able to do those kinds of thing unhindered because of my weight is worth changing everything. That is a dream worth digging up and seizing. I want to savor Jesus. I want to savor my wife. I want to savor my kids. I want to savor my food. Many people might be bored to read that story. I would love to read it. I am really loving the opening lines.